Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
