yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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