I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
