You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
