Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize