and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
