I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
