i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
