His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I fill condoms, not promises.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
