Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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