Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
