Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
