I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My balls are so social today.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
