your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
