Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
