so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize