the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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