yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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