I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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