I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
