He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize