forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
