What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
