wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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