He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
