It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
