If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
