it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I smell like Dick and happiness
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
