she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
