Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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