Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
