Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
