So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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