Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize