Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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