oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
