Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
