I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
