so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's the barista slut.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
