Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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