Sry I called you an 8
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
