Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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