508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
