Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
