If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
