she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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