I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Enjoy the penises
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
