i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
