I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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