he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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