sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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