apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
