you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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