So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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