I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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