worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize