Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
