I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
