Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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