Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How's work?
Spinning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
