So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
