Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
