Duck Duck Cougar?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
