finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
