I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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