i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
