I think my fart just growled at me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
