A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
