If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
