i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
