Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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