you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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